Edition #29: Keep It, Hold It: Healing in Private Manifesto
Dear Girl Bosses Under Duress,
This week I share some personal coping tips through my very own Healing in Private Manifesto.
A week ago, I had a private crash out. A full-on emotional vent where I wrote fiery and snarky words in my journal. My journal, in this case, being the Notes app on my iPhone. The first paragraph of that emotional purge read something like this:
“As much as I don’t believe in stooping to the level of idiots, I do think that defending yourself is a sign of strength and a deep understanding of who you are. I don’t think we should simply roll over when people try to walk all over us. Or even turn the other cheek.”
This journal entry wasn’t the only part of my catharsis. I also subjected my poor partner to endless venting sessions, blasted FKA Twigs’ ‘Eusexua’ album on repeat in my car, and pushed myself through excruciatingly intense strength workouts. I’d scream and groan through every rep, to the point where my sweat and tears merged, so much so that when I tasted salt on my lips, I genuinely couldn’t tell which fluid it was. Shout out to Caroline Girvan’s 30 minute full -body kettlebell workout for keeping me going last week. To top it off, I went to see Milisuthando Bongela-Davis’ film, ‘Milisuthando’, at the University of Pretoria’s Javett Art Centre. Through a deeply personal lens, the film explores love, friendship, and belonging against the backdrop of South Africa’s apartheid-era racial divides. Its complexity, tenderness, and sheer poignancy moved me to absolute tears. It was a revelation because I recently learned that we cry in movies not necessarily because of what happens on screen but because those moments trigger unresolved emotions within us. So while others in the audience had slightly moist eyes, I was full-on bawling my eyes out. Not because of the film alone, but because I had my own internal battles brewing. Who needs therapy when we have great cinema? If you’re navigating pain, art will always save you.
Keep It, Hold It
Right now, my favorite song from ‘Eusexua’ is ‘Keep It, Hold It’. It perfectly captures the idea of healing in private; giving yourself space to process your emotions without external noise or pressure. No need to react instantly, no need to seek revenge, no need to prove anything. Sometimes, it’s just best to:
Just keep it walking, keep it walking, hold it close
And what have I got to say?
Just keep it moving, keep it moving, hold it close
And what have I got to learn?
Just keep it softly, keep it softly, hold it close
What have I got to do?
Just keep on walking, just keep it and hold it, just keep it and hold it, yeah
Inspired by this, I’ve put together a Healing in Private Manifesto. A guide for those moments when you’re tempted to crash out publicly.
Healing in Private Manifesto
Write it out. Raw and unfiltered.
Dump your rage, sarcasm, and pettiness into a private space (your journal, your Notes app, a voice memo). Get it all out without an audience
Turn your pain into poetry.
Transmute that anger and hurt into something artistic: wild, glorious, and uniquely yours.
Vent to someone who won’t sugarcoat things.
Find a friend who will let your rage and hurt exist without trying to fix you but also won’t let you spiral into victimhood.
Watch a sad movie and cry it out.
Let yourself fully feel without intellectualizing. Bonus points if you have a bowl of ice cream as an emotional support snack.
Sing your lungs out.
Whether it’s a Whitney Houston ballad or something experimental by Björk, belt it alone in the car or shower. The quality of your vocals does not matter.
Sweat it out.
Choose an intense workout that leaves you drenched. Make your body process what your mind can’t yet articulate.
Stop over-analyzing your emotions.
Not everything requires a 10-point analysis. Just feel the feels and let that be enough.
Get some perspective.
Sometimes, you need a reality check. When I vented to a friend about people dragging me on social media, she casually responded: “Wait… I didn’t even know that was happening.”And suddenly, my world-ending drama seemed… smaller.
Laugh at your pain (when you’re ready).
Humour is a healing force, but don’t force the jokes when you’re still deep in the hurt. The laughs will come later.
Give it time.
Resist the pressure to heal quickly or share a hot take immediately. We live in an era where instant reflections are expected, but time makes you wiser, softer, and more gracious. I’ve noticed that someone on the other side of the world has gone through exactly what I have, but she’s had more time to process it. Whenever I see her writing publicly about this issue, I’m in awe of her ability to both keep it moving and hold it close. That’s what I aspire to: to honor my emotions while still moving forward toward everything I’m meant to be.
Final Thoughts
To anyone navigating pain right now: You don’t have to rush healing. You don’t need to perform resilience for an audience. You don’t have to prove you’ve moved on before you actually have. Take your time. Keep it, hold it.
I love you all so dearly. Thank you for reading.
Your fellow girl boss under duress,
Thembi
Healing in private prevents bleeding on people. Keep it and hold it!
Keeping it. Holding it.
Thanks for an insightful and solutions oriented edition yet again. Keep it & hold it mntase.